Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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