Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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