I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
