he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
