Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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