Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
