please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
