every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
