Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
