M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
