Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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