I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Someone came in the potted fern
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
