you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
