i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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