Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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