I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
