Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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