I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
