he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
