So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
