I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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