Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
