i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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