he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
