Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
