Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
