I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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