There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
