Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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