This girl is more easily done than said...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
