You can't motorboat a personality
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
