Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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