You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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