I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
