Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Fuck appropriateness.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You don't make any sense
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