So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
