he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
