When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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