Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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