I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He did a backflip because drugs
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize