The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My vagina is officially offended.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
