I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
