If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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