Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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