I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
