my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
