plz talk dirty to me
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
