if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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