Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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