He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
