I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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