I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
