how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
