At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
